12 Days of Christmas – 2012 ♪♫

12daysofxmas

Today starts the countdown to the 12 days until Christmas, so in honor of the season, for each of the next 12 days I will be writing a spoof to a different traditional Christmas song.

Let me rephrase: I will potentially be dishonoring the season with recreations that may be crass, dirty, disgusting, offensive, or politically incorrect – all to the tune of your most beloved holiday songs.

So… for the 1st day of Christmas, I give you:

The 12 Days of Christmas – 2012

On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

  • An introduction from match.com

On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

  • 2 dozen roses
  • And an introduction from match.com

On the 3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

  • 3 dates in one week
  • 2 dozen roses
  • And an introduction from match.com

On the 4th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

  • (4) foreplay gone further
  • 3 dates in one week
  • 2 dozen roses
  • And an introduction from match.com

On the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

  • 5 carat ring
  • (4) foreplay gone further
  • 3 dates in one week
  • 2 dozen roses
  • And an introduction from match.com

On the 6th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

  • 60 thousand ($) wedding
  • 5 carat ring
  • (4) foreplay gone further
  • 3 dates in one week
  • 2 dozen roses
  • And an introduction from match.com

On the 7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

  • 7 little insults
  • 60 thousand ($) wedding
  • 5 carat ring
  • (4) foreplay gone further
  • 3 dates in one week
  • 2 dozen roses
  • And an introduction from match.com

On the 8th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

  • 8 fights over money
  • 7 little insults
  • 60 thousand ($) wedding
  • 5 carat ring
  • (4) foreplay gone further
  • 3 dates in one week
  • 2 dozen roses
  • And an introduction from match.com

On the 9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

  • 9 false accusations
  • 8 fights over money
  • 7 little insults
  • 60 thousand ($) wedding
  • 5 carat ring
  • (4) foreplay gone further
  • 3 dates in one week
  • 2 dozen roses
  • And an introduction from match.com

On the 10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

  • 10 restraining orders
  • 9 false accusations
  • 8 fights over money
  • 7 little insults
  • 60 thousand ($) wedding
  • 5 carat ring
  • (4) foreplay gone further
  • 3 dates in one week
  • 2 dozen roses
  • And an introduction from match.com

On the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

  • 11 divorce signings
  • 10 restraining orders
  • 9 false accusations
  • 8 fights over money
  • 7 little insults
  • 60 thousand ($) wedding
  • 5 carat ring
  • (4) foreplay gone further
  • 3 dates in one week
  • 2 dozen roses
  • And an introduction from match.com

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

  • 12 years’ alimony
  • 11 divorce signings
  • 10 restraining orders
  • 9 false accusations
  • 8 fights over money
  • 7 little insults
  • 60 thousand ($) wedding
  • 5 carat ring
  • (4) foreplay gone further
  • 3 dates in one week
  • 2 dozen roses
  • And an introduction from match.com

I guess he wasn’t my true love after all.

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4 Comments

Filed under Holidays, Humor, Music, Satire

4 responses to “12 Days of Christmas – 2012 ♪♫

  1. Jeremy

    Yikes. Dystopia Inc. ! Everything okay there, Cath?

  2. Hahahahahahah – you should have gotten rid of him on the 1st Day of Christmas (except that there’s the alimony)

  3. Anonymous

    You’re sick. And twisted. And hilarious.

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