10 Reasons I’m Glad I Didn’t Win the $656 Million Mega Millions Jackpot

Like half of all the other desperate souls in America, I was dreaming of what I would do if I won $656 million in the Mega Millions Jackpot. I bought not one, but two lotto tickets, which is a very big deal since it meant that due to the astronomical gas prices I’d have to drive four fewer miles this week. Good timing since it’s spring break and I get a break from middle school car pool.

In my fantasy, I would pay off the house just enough to have 20% equity, then do a na-na-na-na-na-na dance to the half dozen loan officers who have turned us down for a refi this past year.

I would pay off the student loans my husband and I have accumulated to the tune of $185,000, and then have plenty left over to put our three kids through the college of their choice. What the heck… we could probably buy our own college.

We could fly first class to Florida and spend a week at Disneyworld while Emily is still young enough to enjoy it and Jake is old enough to avoid the dreaded naptime.

I could dream forever and keep going on about my fantasies, but the fact is, I didn’t win. Obviously, or my blog hit numbers would be through the roof. So since I try to be a glass half full kind of gal, I have come up with the…

10 Reasons I’m Glad I Didn’t Win the $656 Million Mega Millions Jackpot

1. Taxes. Right now I earn and pay a pittance – just enough to contribute a little something to our under-funded public schools. If I was paying millions in taxes it would all go to big ticket items like politicians’ pet projects such as funding studies on whether cockroaches prefer Cocoa Krispies or Cocoa Pebbles.

2. All the kindergartners would be knocking out their own teeth during sleepovers at our home since it would be rumored that we have a very generous Tooth Fairy.

3. My credit union building is just not big enough to deposit all those dollars

4. I really don’t want to be featured in supermarket tabloids under the headings “She’s just like us! She buys her own deodorant!” and “Lotto Winner Caught Picking Her Butt!”

5. I’d have to scrape off my “Other 99%” bumper sticker.

6. I’m afraid someone will kidnap my dogs and hold them for ransom. Then I’d have the dilemma of whether or not to pay the criminals or let the mutts just annoy them as much as they annoy me.

7. I’d probably have to start paying my kids an allowance.

8. Every third cousin in my family tree would be hightailing it to LA for a piece of the pie, and then race back again every month when their stash ran out.

9. I would have to spend all my free time rejecting new Facebook friend requests.

10. I would be invited to fancy shmancy parties that Mitt Romney is also invited to and then I’d have to keep repeating the awkward conversation that I am a Democrat and would plan to outspend his Super PAC.


Filed under Anxiety, Debt, Financial Insecurity, Humor, Kids, Parenting, Public Schools, Top 10 List

6 responses to “10 Reasons I’m Glad I Didn’t Win the $656 Million Mega Millions Jackpot

  1. I hope this gets Freshly Pressed (loved the tooth fairy).

  2. Tom

    If when the lottery, we might have to invest in guard dogs for our dogs. It would be funny to two dogs with suites on and sun glasses following Jasmine and Spike. Don’t worry about your third cousins or mine, Jasmine and Spike’s security dogs will handle them. I am not going to be one of those lottery winners that is broke after two years. I reject facebook freinds now. I don’t need any more money for that.

  3. Sallye

    Yes, your deposits would have to be spread out between 3,280 banks in order to be FDIC insured. Then if anything actually happened to them, I’m not certain the FDIC would be able to cover those deposits. Plus, they’d find out I know you and they’d be hassling me, so I’m all for you not winning. In fact, I will anti-commiserate with you. ;o) Heart and hugs your way, fellow po’ (Southern for gotz no moolah).

  4. What a great way to start my morning, reading Cathy’s posting and laughing my head off. Where did you get that captivating sense of humor? It must be the Irish in you. You almost made me glad I don’t have a huge sum of money. I guess the pups would be on their own if you won. The cockroaches got my biggest laugh.Keep ’em coming!!!

  5. Haha, I love this! Especially #4! LOL!

  6. This is so funny! My favorite is # 5 – you’d have to scrape off your 99% sticker. That is hilarious!! Or, you could keep the sticker and your mini-van and be “eccentric,” That always works. Thanks for such great posts!!

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