I got the call three weeks ago that one of my best friends of the last 15 years had died. She had been in an accident, and her injuries were just too severe to save her. Personally, I don’t think they tried very hard. I know it’s because of her age. When you’re old, you’re expendable. I disagree. I think she still had a lot of good years left in her.
My kids hung out with her every day, and all their friends knew her well. My companion and I spent an insane amount of time together and we never tired of each other. She was attractive, yet low-maintenance. She was dependable. And until her tragic, untimely death, I knew I could always count on her.
She was my 1998 Toyota Sienna XLE Minivan.
On Friday the 13th of April I was trying to parallel park on a residential street two blocks from my home when another car struck the front of my car and sped away. The collision tore the front bumper completely off my minivan and broke the axel. Still, the damage looked repairable, so it was a real shock when the auto body shop told me it a total loss.
When I got the news, I just started sobbing, and I’ve been continuously crying ever since. This was the car that I was going to pass on to my daughter Emily when she starts driving this summer. However, I already knew that I was going to be an Indian giver. I loved my Toyota Sienna XLE and even though she was already 15 years old, I wanted to keep her a little longer.
Toyota came out with the Sienna as a minivan substitute for the discontinued Previa. We bought one of the first off the assembly line in the summer of 1997. It had a sliding sunroof, leather interior, dual air conditioning, power windows, radio/cassette/CD and a power driver’s seat. Coming directly from a Mustang convertible, it was nice to step into the lap of luxury rather than some sticky, soiled kidmobile.
I eventually got a couple of dings on my minivan, but by that time the car was so old that didn’t bother me much. There was a scrape along the passenger side from a Trader Joe’s shopping cart, and the paint was starting to fade from the repair done in 2004 from the time I was backing out of a parking spot at Warner Bros. and didn’t see a pole in my blind spot. But the engine was pristine. I performed regular tune ups and oil changes, and in 15 years there was not one single engine breakdown or malfunction. Remember when I mentioned that she was dependable? I would be hard pressed to find any human as trustworthy as my Sienna.
Jake loved to have the sun roof open. Emily enjoyed sitting in the front seat and propping her boots on the dash. Mary – always the social butterfly – would have a carload of her friends coming home with her, their heavy backpacks piled in the back. It was roomy enough to transport the whole family plus my mother-in-law to the Inland Empire for holidays with my family. It felt like first class seating in an airplane, and my Sienna probably got us there faster than flight + check in time.
Since all the back seats were removable, I have probably helped move 30 people into new homes, and loaned my car out as a free U-Haul to a wide variety of friends. I had just purchased custom leatherette seat covers to hide the rips and cracked upholstery on the driver’s seat, and only the day before the accident the odometer clicked past the milestone 150,000 miles. My Sienna should certainly have been placed alongside the Energizer Bunny and the Timex watch as a product that takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
I loved this car the way many people love their animals. I’ll probably get some nasty comments by saying that, but it’s true. Granted, it was a one-sided love, because it’s not like a car can love you back. But it’s certainly better than most one-sided relationships where your love is not reciprocated. At least my object of love made me exceedingly happy.
A week after the accident, I turned over my keys, signed away my rights, and cleared my belongings out my minivan. It felt like I was packing up keepsakes after a death, yet the death seemed like my own. Emily was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in 1999, and I found old stashes of glucose tabs, blood testing strips, glucagon and insulin that had expired years ago. Finding all those supplies brought back the flood of fear that engulfed me when Emily received the diagnosis just two weeks after her 3rd birthday. We had to keep emergency supplies with us wherever we went, and those first few years we’d grab them from the glove compartment. Now Emily carries diabetic supplies herself. I never thought there’d be a day when I wouldn’t obsess about her disease, yet at some point it happened.
I cleared out CDs I hadn’t heard in years – Steve Winwood, Phil Collins and the recently departed Whitney Houston. These CDs had long since taken a back burner to NPR and iTunes while I was driving solo, Adele when Mary was with me, and everything from David Bowie to Ozzy Osborne to My Chemical Romance to the soundtrack to the musical Spring Awakening for my daughter Emily.
The seat pockets held headshots and resumes of my daughters from their commercial auditions stint years ago; about 50 Bed Bath & Beyond coupons (they take expired coupons if you didn’t know); baby wipes that were bone dry; my daughters’ ID cards and fingerprints that were issued back in 2003; makeup that had solidified, faded, or otherwise been rendered unusable; and bandaids and sunblock in a variety of car cubbies. Despite my LASIK surgery last summer, I found two pairs glasses and contact solution that expired in 2002.
By now the vehicle is probably being dismantled and sold as used parts for other 1998 Toyota Sienna XLE owners who want to keep their trusty friends around just a little bit longer. I can’t blame them. That’s what I would have done if I had a choice.
As a tribute to my dearly departed friend, here are some of the posts I wrote on Very VERY Busy Mom that featured my beloved minivan. Please join me on a trip down Memory Lane:
There is Nothing Sexy about Washing My Filthy Minivan
Celebrating My Vanity With My Vanity License Plates
($ ÷ Gallon) x (Miles ÷ Gallon) = LA Gasoline Anxiety
Road Trip with Kids – 40 Years Ago and Today
That New Car Smell Has Left My Minivan
very VERY busy mom 
I’m so sorry for your loss and can absolutely empathize with you. I had to give up my friend the Subaru Legacy SW after only 12 years of service when her transmission failed her. To my mind that was only half of her expected life. I now have a “new” (gently used) Subaru Legacy sedan… and it’s just not the same. I miss the way the seat molded to my body. I miss the wagon’s room in back. (The leaves from my tree I park under now fill my new trunk.) I miss the manual transmission (the new one is an automatic); in fact my foot still sometimes looks for the clutch. I, too, could write loving stories of all the treasures I found when I had to empty her out for the last time. Sigh.
How sad. But I can so understand and relate. I had a blue Honda many years ago that I dearly loved until someone rear ended me and totaled it out. In your case you spent so much time in your car that I could see where it would become like your best friend. And all the memories………I remember each one of those blogs and how it shone through how much you loved your car. One day you may feel the same about your new car. I’m glad you got one that you love.
Oh my god I’m so sry for the loss of your Toyota Sienna XLE yeah it is really sad..my mom she had the same exact van same everything also XLE model with power sunroof/power seats/leather/alloy wheels everything except that ours was dark gold color…it was well maintained..regular tune ups/oil change/transmission fluid changes/transmission flush/radiator flush/spark plugs/tires/windshield wipers/timing belt so much more..my mom had this van for 15 years also until just about a week ago…the van was fully loaded with 8 passengers..yeah 4 people were all squished in the back seat..but yeah anyway..we were just going somewhere early in the morning..driving down a road…came to a stop sign somewhere..stopped..looked both ways before crossing..and there was no car coming at all..so my mom crossed..and right about half way crossed..a speeding car coming from no where speeding at about 65 mph…tried to stop but couldn’t..so we got slammed..the other person was driving an suv…he had slammed into us on the left side..that whole left side of the car was all smashed..the whole driver side front door and rear sliding door was all smashed..windows were all broken..axles broke too..luckily my mom had survived her crash with a few minor injuries while my cousins were sitting in the back with one of my aunts..there were 4 of tmy cousins..and 2 outta those 4 cousins got hurt severely..but yeah..it was pretty sad..my moms 15 year old Toyota Sienna XLE minivan was a total loss..she was only 127,543 miles well maintained..no tears or rips or cracks on the seats at all..my mom had taken very good care of it..like brand new..she had the seats covered up nicely well done..interior has always looked nearly brand new since the day she bought it 15 years ago til this time..as well as exterior..nearly new..washes it very well every 2-3 weeks..waxing and polishing the whole entire car making it feel and look like new..shines like a brand new car..especially those alloy wheels on it..keeping those looking blingy also the tires too with tire shine..it was in super good condition..so good that 2 weeks before the accident..we went to a park to go hang out..we were just parked somewhere..and when we came back a couple hours later we came back and just before we all hopped into the van..this guy..he walked up to us..nd said that we had a very beautiful minivan..well taken care of and everything..and that he loved it..he also mentioned that he had one before too but then it got passed onto his 19 year old son..he said he had the base model..and that after he passed his onto his son..he was looking for another one..much higher level…and he found ours..he literally wanted to offer $7000 for our van..but we didn’t sell it because we still needed it..and my mom she just loves it way too much to give it up..so that’s why when we had our accident about a week ago..it’s been pretty sad because of all the good memories of our van..well maintained..well taken care of and washed..waxed..polished..shined like brand new..literally no scratches at all..no dings..nicks..chips..or anything at all..it was a very beautiful minivan..probably one of the most best looking ones out here because of how we took good care of it..it runs very smooth..can hardly hear the motor running at all..very powerful..this thing flys like a speeding bullet..dependable..everything..now that we don’t have this minivan anymore..it had turned into a total loss..it’s been pretty sad for us..especially for my mom..she had loved that minivan like baby..it was her one and only first brand new car she had ever bought and kept forever..she really misses that van..we now own a 2012 Toyota Sienna XLE model we just bought 3 days ago it was a used minivan with only about 6000 miles..this van is pretty good too..runs very well..spsuper smooth..and very fast..good handling..good steering..everything..but she still misses her old minivan she had for 15 years tho..it’s been pretty sad..still is..RIP Gold 1998 Toyota Sienna XLE she will always be remembered and beloved..good memories..RIP
DEAR BUSY MOM:
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I AM FACING THE SAME BATTLE. I HAD AN ACCIDENT ON FEB 4TH AND AM TRING TO RETIRE MY GOLD/BRONZE NISSAN QUEST. SHE IS 13 YEARS OLD AND I HAVE BEEN DESPERATELY TRYING TO FIND A REPLACEMENT. WE ARE ON THE EAST COAST. THEY ARE NOT MAKING CARS LIKE THEY USE TO. ESPECIALLYWITH A CASSETTE PLAYER(LOL) WHICH I STILL USE.
OUR CAR BECAME OUR 2ND HOME AFTER WE WERE DISPLACED FROM OUR HOME DUE TO AN ELECTRICAL HOUSE FIRE. SO I UNDERSTAND THE MEMORIES. I JUST WANTED TO WISH YOU WELL AS I CONTINUE ON MY JOURNEY FOR AN OLDER QUEST.
BLESSINGS…
DPRAYS